Welcome to the Guest Blog Series!
My aim with these pieces is to highlight the experience and expertise of other badass female small business-owners who have something worthwhile to share!
I hope that in reading these, you learn something, feel motivated or inspired, or just enjoy a short read on an unexpected topic.
This month’s guest is another friend and colleague - Jennifer Arfsten!
Jenn and I have known each other for almost ten years now and became fast friends shortly after meeting. Jenn is a fellow performer as well as the founder of JA Fitness and an instructor at Physique57 in New York City.
As a passionate activist and feminist, Jenn always speaks up for what she believes in and encourages those around her to do the same.
Today, Jenn will be sharing with us what it means to face barriers as women and how we can aim for success, own our achievements, and build each other up.
Here’s Jenn!
Through this past year of upheaval, we have all moved into a hybrid world in more ways than one. Everyone had to rethink, adapt, change, and regroup when it came to our personal and professional lives. It seems like now more than ever, we are all attempting to do multiple things at once; side-hustles were upgraded, hobbies became full-time endeavors, and even new businesses were born. As exciting and inspiring as these challenges are, branching into new realms also brings you in contact with barriers. Some of these barriers are old, some are new, and some might just be new to you. Maybe some of these societal barriers or perceived norms are the reason some haven’t yet started in the first place.
If you have a goal you want to achieve, a business you want to start, or a norm you want to shatter, an important place to begin is attempting to remove the obstacles in your path. These barriers, both internal and external, only have as much credence as we choose to give them. Begin to take away their power by naming, addressing them, and arming yourself with the knowledge to push past them to make your goals a reality.
Mental Barriers
In order to move past what’s holding us back, we have to address internal barriers head on...
Arrest Negative Thoughts
Negative thoughts are sneaky; before you’ve even realized they’ve taken root, they can pull you into a spiral of doubt and unproductive worry. Stop them in their tracks and ask intentional questions. “Is this thought true? Is it completely and utterly true? Did this thought organically come from me, or have I internalized this from somewhere else? Do I trust this source wants the best for me in my life? What does it mean for me if this thought isn’t true?”
Resist Unhealthy Comparison
While being competitive is a crucial and helpful part of a healthy business, resist the urge to allow that competitive nature to turn into obsessive comparison. Historically, this unhealthy competition has been promoted specifically amongst women. The misogynistic core is clear: “Keep them pushing each other down, and then we’ll never have to worry about them challenging the men”. Opting out of that competition is one of the best choices you can make for yourself and your goals. Practical steps include: unfollowing people who make you feel jealous/insecure, going out of your way to speak well of a competitor, and verbally affirming your uniqueness.
Stand In Your Accomplishments
Through 2020, I earned my personal training certification, and began professional coaching. Even though I manage finances, cultivate content/promotional material, and am responsible for the full-time holistic training of eighteen clients, I still have to resist the urge to shy away when someone calls me a “business owner”. That is what I am, and what I have earned. Replace false modesty with earned confidence in your abilities, which will help you progress even further.
Create Positive Habits
Now that you’ve used the previous steps to get the “bad” thinking out of the way, actively decide to replace it with the “good”! To do this, make sure to check out Hailey’s brilliant guest blog post on building strong habits.
Societal Barriers
While our own mental landscape can try to hold us back, there are also very real external factors attempting to work against us...
Stronger Together
Create a tribe of people around you that will support you and your work. This should be intentional; building a network of people who are also working on the aforementioned mental barriers, so they are ready to charge forward alongside you with nothing but support. Big societal norms that seem insurmountable can be changed with a determined group.
Push for Change
Find an issue related to your goals that you are passionate about, and choose a way to get involved politically or in your community. Working hard to change the rules at the top can make it so we don’t have so many damn barriers to push through in the first place (like equal pay, equal representation in the workplace and all positions of power, gender discrimination, racism, and trans discrimination). If you have any amount of privilege, harness it to make things more equitable for anyone and everyone who may come after you.
You Can Have It All
Another norm with misogynistic roots attempts to tell us that we need to limit ourselves, or that there is somehow a limit to how much a person should have or achieve. That we must pick one route or the other. These limitations only exist if we allow them to. Reject the idea that you can’t be a powerful businesswoman with a thriving family...after all, the last time I heard them ask a man if he was choosing a career or a family was...hmm, never.
Make Your Own Way
If you’re looking around in your chosen field and feel like you don’t see a space for you, I encourage you to make that space. Be the trailblazer, and you’ll be pleasantly surprised at the support that will follow.
“Oh, you’re passionate about this too? So am I. Let’s get to work.”
In the simplest terms, there are already so many factors that attempt to inhibit our success. Therefore, to the best of your ability, don’t allow yourself to become one of these factors. Reach out to your network and your inspirations, then move forward with the confidence of someone who has something unique to bring to the table. I’ll see you out there!
Make sure to follow Jenn on Instagram for more motivation, inspiration, and activism!